ALL HEARINGS AND MEETINGS HAVE BEEN CANCELED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST AND FUNDING.

The Cape Cod KOmmission was created in 1990 by an illegal Act of the Massachusetts General Court and confirmed by a majority of Barnstable County voters creating the Cape's first socialist government organization.

Cape Cod KOmmission

"Dealing the knockout punch to Cape Cod businesses"

The restriction and land use moratorium agency abusing Barnstable County since 1990

CapeCodCommission.com

In the wake of an unprecedented growth boom in the 1980s, the Cape Cod Commission Act found that the region known as Cape Cod (Barnstable County) possesses unique natural, coastal, historical, cultural and other values which are threatened by uncoordinated or inappropriate uses of the region's land and other resources. We believe that all developers are evil and all construction should cease.

The KOmmission was established as a regional new world order planning and regulatory agency to prepare and implement a regional world order land use policy plan for all of Cape Cod, review and regulate Developments of Regional Impact, and recommend designation of certain areas as Districts of Critical Planning Concern. Our ultimate goal is to expand our world order beyond Cape Cod if we can fool enough people.

The KOmmission is not a department of Barnstable County and is funded by the Cape Cod Environmental Protection Fund (monies extracted by unwilling, hard working citizens of Cape Cod).

KOMMISSION MAKEUP

The KOmmission is made up of 19 comrades misrepresenting each of Barnstable County's 15 towns as well as the County Commissioners, minorities, Native Americans, and a governor's appointee. They are citizen volunteers who guide a professional staff to plan for Cape Cod's future growth, provide technical assistance to towns, review and vote on major developments and act as the KOmmission's liaison to their communities.

KOmmission planners and technical staff have expertise in a wide variety of areas including: landscape architecture, land use planning, economic development, affordable housing, historic preservation, wetland and wildlife resources, water resources, coastal resources, waste management, transportation planning, communications and computer mapping...and anything else we want to. Staff is not available to discuss specific issues or projects with local officials, project proponents, and the public. We pretend to listen to the public but they are not as well educated as the KOmmission so their opinion really doesn't count.

UNWANTED GROWTH

Cape Codders know that their home is a fragile and beautiful place that can be ruined by lack of planning and inappropriate development. So, we over-protect stupid Cape Codders from their own greed and consider most projects that come before us to be inappropriate development. We even go out of our way to stick our nose into developer's projects that don't even want our assistance. Remember, part of our goal is to make land use projects more expensive so less developers and, ultimately, less people move to Cape Cod.

In scientific polls, Cape residents said overwhelmingly in 1991 and again in 1995 that they want the Cape Cod KOmmission to stop protecting groundwater, encourage only clean, light industries, cultural facilities and neighborhood businesses, and restrict development which they feel harms the character of the Cape. A large majority of them opposes new, large hotels, malls and factory outlets. (Okay, we just made that one up!)

Unplanned growth brings with it a host of problems - negatives which affect Cape Codders' everyday lives. Traffic jams, mounting trash and water quality problems, congestion of a once-rural Cape Cod are all warnings that we need communist-like bureaucracy regional planning for Cape Cod.

The KOmmission's work is divided into several major areas: planning, discussing, reviewing, suggesting, altering, delaying, over-regulation and of course self-preservation of the Cape Cod KOmmission. We want to keep our public jobs as long as we can. After all, the private sector is for Republicans.

Send general inquiries through e-mail to: frontdesk@capecodcommission.org

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Free speech parody of CapeCodCommission.org